Throwback Thursday: 150 Words Jealousy

*A weekly post revisiting some of the previous fictional writing pieces from my old blog*

Inside I am ugly. Gnarled with suspicion every time I look at you. Looking at them, Looking at you.

You tell me you love me, but your words are like vapour, dissolving in the impenetrable air around me. I am numb to your pathetic explanations.
“She’s just a friend.”
“We work together.”
“You’re paranoid.”

A woman always knows.

You cannot love me because I am ugly on the outside you see? The rot of my mistrust has aged my skin, emptied my eyes. I am not like those pretty, young whores.

I never was.

Cold with inevitability I log on to your emails, your facebook. I read your text messages while you are in the loo. Searching, Watching. Waiting for you to slip up, make a mistake so I can catch you. I will ensnare you like a fly, coil my insecurities around you until you suffocate.
And leave me.

*Originally published 25 July 2011

Advertisements

On Reading and Nook Book of the Month: AM Homes May We Be Forgiven

Over the past couple of years, I have become a notoriously bad reader. I battle to make find time to sit down and read a good book. I have become a product of the ‘one click’ Y2K generation – too easily distracted by technology and I find myself wiling away any ‘free time’ I have simultaneously surfing TV channels and skulking social media platforms in a repetitive, mind-numbing fuzz.

Reading takes discipline and commitment. It is about eliminating all distractions (physical and psychological) and immersing oneself in another world. I struggle with being able to shut off the external and internal distractions, and somewhere along the way I lost the focus needed to be able to read well, but I am working on it.

As Stephen King says: “If you want to be a writer you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”

And so, in an attempt to encourage myself to read more – I am starting a Nook Book segment on the new blog (a few months ago, my boyfriend bought me a Barnes & Noble Nook E-Reader in an attempt to get me back into reading, and I am absolutely in love with it. Everything I read, I read on my wee Nook).

This month’s novel (that took me about 4 months to finish – I want to blame summer, but basically, I just blame myself) is:

download

Title

May We Be Forgiven

Author

AM Homes

Prizes

Women’s Prize for Fiction 2013

Teaser

Harry Silver is a Richard Nixon scholar who leads a quiet, regular life; his brother George is a high-flying TV producer, with a murderous temper.They have been uneasy rivals since childhood.Then one day George loses control so extravagantly that he precipitates Harry into an entirely new life.

Quote

“How can I tell anyone that there has always lived within me a rusty sense of disgust-a dull, brackish water that I suspect is my soul?” – Harry Silver

Throwback Thursday: Goodbye

*A weekly post revisiting some of the previous fictional writing pieces from my old blog*

Continuing on from my short – lived blog series ‘character conversations’ – here is the second piece of dialogue-only fiction I wrote.

Enjoy!

“You’re late.”
“I had quite a busy day, in case you didn’t see.”
“I saw.”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”
“Please forgive my impertinence, oh Lord and Master.”
“There’s no need to be sarcastic. I’ve had a difficult day full of difficult people. And you are the one thing in my life that is not supposed to be difficult.”
“Fine.”
“So, is there enough room in that tub for one more?”
“I was just thinking about getting out actually. I’ve been in here for a while. Just lying here, waiting for you to walk through the door. Like the not-difficult person I am.”
“What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“You do know what tonight is don’t you?”
“Of course I know. That’s why I don’t want you to ruin it by …”
“By what? By having feelings? By being a typical woman after all? Forgive me, Paul, but like it or not I am not just a cold, calculating whore. Underneath all the fun and games and the sneaking around there is a woman who watched the man she loves being ripped away from her today. And you know what? It fucking sucks!”
“I know it sucks, Love. I do. And believe me when they were announcing the outcome, all I could think of was how each win was a loss for you and me. But, you understand why this has to end don’t you?”
“Don’t patronise me, Paul. I have a Masters degree in Psychology. I know why it has to end. I just don’t want it to.”
“Me neither. Come here.”
“I am going to miss you holding me like this.”
“You know what? Let’s not do this whole ‘I’m going to miss this-and-that thing. Let’s just make the next few hours a happy memory. One we can re-visit every so often.”
“When you are stuck playing happy families with your wife, and I get so jealous I could spit.”
“And when you find yourself a good, decent man who I am going to want to have murdered.”
“That won’t happen.”
“Sure it will. Eventually.”
“I’m going to wait for you. It’s only four years.”
“I couldn’t promise anything after four years, you know. I don’t know how long this could go on for. And even after it ends I will still be watched.”
“Just promise me tonight, even if it’s a lie, that we will be like this again in four years time? I need to have something to hope for, Paul. Four years from now, you and me, together again, for the rest of our lives. Promise me. Please.”
“I promise.”
“Okay, no more tears tonight. Grab the bubble bath and get that delicious body of yours into this tub.”
“You know I love you right?”
“I know. Oh and in case I forget to say so later on … Congratulations
Mr Prime Minister.”

*Originally published 28 June 2011