Throwback Thursday: Destruction

*A weekly post revisiting some of the previous fictional writing pieces from my old blog*

Another piece from my series of ‘Character Conversations’. This one is more of a monologue or rant. I’m not great with portraying accents in writing. I can hear the voice in my head, but am not sure how to put it phonetically on the page … any tricks writers out there? Have you ever written dialogue for a character with an ‘accent’? How do you do it successfully?

“Well, I wanna be famous, yeah. A Star, like.
I wanna be like one of them WAGs on TV. Like that one … shit wot’s ‘er name?
You know the one. With the ‘air and the nails and the … ooooh yeah … I love them nails with the diaman’es and patterns. My auntie did my nails with leopard prints once. It was well good.
Where woz I?
Oh yeah, like, I want people to know my name. When I walk down the street I want them to shout, Krystal! Oy, Krystal (I’ll be changing my name to Krystal once I get famous see? I’ll only ‘ave one name like Madonna and Cher and that guy who sang that song about the rain bein’ purple).
An’ yeah I’m gonna shop in all the wicked shops like Gucci an’ Burberry an’ wherever Cheryl Cole shops coz she’s got well good style!
She grew up on an estate near where I live see? It’s rough, yeah, but she’s livin’ proof that anyone from anywhere can go out there and get famous and rich an’ drink champayne out of fancy glasses an’ go on yachts and lay in the sun and get brown in sexy bikinis and ‘ave everyone worship ya. It’s gonna to be brilliant.
What do you mean what’s my talent?
I’m an actress an’ a singer. I woz in a play when I was still in school an’ my mum came and my nan, an’ they said I had It yeah? Like I woz on the X-Facta. I am the X-Facta. I’m gonna go on an audition an’ get through an’ the rest will be history. Like that Cher Lloyd chick.
She gets tons of free stuff. Like blackberries an’ earrings an’
When I get all my free stuff, I’m gonna get a big ole house to put it in. With like sixteen bathrooms an’ I’m gonna get a personal trainer an’ a dog an’ carry it around in a bag all day when the paps are chasin’ me, takin’ pics of me doin’ ma thing. I’ll ‘ave these big ole sunglasses to stop their flashes blindin’ me when I’m on my way to do photo shoots an’ talkin’ to the One Show peeps.
What do ya mean what if I don’t get through, of course I’m gonna get through! I’m gonna win man! Have you not ben listening to me?
I’m a legend.
I’m amazing.
An’ if, an’ this is a big IF, they woz to say no, I’d do like another reality show like maybe uhhh The Only Way is Essex, them’s lot are regular folk. They do nuffin’ ‘cept drink an’ party an’ I do a lot of that. Girl’s gotta keep it real ya kno’?
Easy as that.
So, yeah, I’m gonna be famous.
Sorry, what woz the question?”


*originally published: 10 August 2011


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